Yes – all your (not so wild) guesses and early congratulations have been deeply appreciated – K, Benjy and I are expecting a fourth member of the family – little Peanut !
I’m just over three months along right now and it’s been a tumultuous journey so far – involving blood pressure problems, depression, severe morning sickness and giddiness/fainting spells – so much so that I’ve decided to go on no-pay leave to focus 100 per cent on the baby and making myself healthy.
At times, it’s seemed almost too much to handle – days when I spend entire mornings regurgitating everything I’ve eaten into the loo and crying with guilt and fear when a spot of bleeding left me on bed rest for two weeks. My self-esteem plunged and I would spend all my time listlessly reading old books, sobbing through migraines and of course, giving K a hard time.
I felt angry with myself for not having a textbook pregnancy like other young mothers who were able to go about their daily work with only minor hiccups, I worried about whether I would be putting financial strain on my marriage, and of course, I felt like I wasn’t ready to be a good mother – we’re talking about someone who eats maybe just one big meal a day, is a huge fan of processed food and does barely any exercise. Suddenly I had to go cold turkey on my morning cappuccino, was denied my go-go juice (Coke Light) and had to force down spoonfuls of yoghurt and berries, fish (which I could barely stand the smell of) and worse of all, big hormone pills that would help stabilize my very precarious pregnancy.
But I can tell you all, with 100 per cent certainty, that this baby is worth every second of that struggling and the suffering (NB, check back again with me when it’s out lol)
When K and I saw Peanut’s heartbeat for the first time after the bed rest, I cried and he teared.
On Monday, we saw a fully formed little munchkin, waving its arms and feet around mutinously as my gynae ran the Ultra Sound probe over my bellly. Peanut did flips, swam around like a playful dolphin and at one point, I could see both little feet, with their 10 toes pressing against the sac.
It was the most wondrous thing I had ever seen in my life and we were both reeling and grinning like idiots for hours after, wondering how two bumbling and irresponsible young adults like us had created something as amazing as little Peanut.
I’ve got just the tiniest little bump right now, it’s clearly not fat because when you push against it, it’s firm and round and you can actually feel the water pressure from the womb inside – but of course, it looks like a very well-cultured beer belly to the rest of the world (yes, I’m going through the is-she-fat-or-pregnant stage)
But ‘sokay, I don’t mind being called fat, as long as I’ve got you, Peanut ! 🙂 We love you so much already!
Will blog as much as I can about our journey with little Peanut and thanks so much for all the well-wishes and encouragement pouring in from you guys – the comments really do make my day (on bad days, especially)